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| haha shoot guess where i went?
http://xanga.com/applekiSs =] | | |
| haha quittinG xanga =]
and for all those people who were wondering which jacket i got, i got the AE one <3 ordered it online. thanks soo much for helping me with my idiocy in online shopping 0_0
i dunno. i guess i'm tired of writing about my life that seems to go in circles, not that that's good oR anything, but yep.
what a better way to finish a long relationship with my xanGA than a good surveyyyyyy...
I AM: grateful.
I THINK: too often.
I KNOW: ;] nobody knows. HAHA.
I WANT: crawl up on a couch and watch hours of buffy, everwood, 7th heaven, one tree hill, and oc. PLEASE.
I HAVE: 2 more problems on my chem w/s.
I WISH: to just be happy. for once.
I HATE: haha nothing =]
I FEAR: losing my heart again.
I HEAR: christmas musiC!!
I SEARCH: wow i haven't lost anything this week!!
I WONDER: how long ae shipping takes.
I REGRET: being so emotional.
I LOVE: =] my friends. thanks guys.
I ALWAYS: overreact to things. but today i had a good reason to.
I DANCE: when no one's watching.
I SING: with estelle. more like she sings, and i croak.
I CRY: when i'm provoked. HAHA.
I DO NOT ALWAYS: practice my sax -_-'' oh dear gotta change that.
I FIGHT: myself.
I WRITE: uhh, my writing is so random these days. keep changing my handwriting.
I WIN: nothing? it's all good.
I LOSE: myself.
I CONFUSE: almost everyone. HAHA.
I LISTEN: phantommm =]
I CAN BE USUALLY FOUND: with my nose in a book.
I NEED: SLEEP. PLEASE.
I AM HAPPY: when i'm carefree.
I SHOULD: finish my chem, finish this entry, go to sleep.
chestnuts roasting on an open fire~
jack frost nipping at your nose!! <33
MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS!!
and i'll be gone the first week of break =] taiwan baby!! im me (if you know my sN) if you really want anything. of course my schedule is tight, dunno if i can buy just about everything, but it won't hurt to ask =]
LOVE YOU GUYS. x3 | | |
| i honestly don't know why i xanga so much. i think i'm going to go back to my log, or buy myself a domain for my christmas/birthday gift. yeah, so i probably won't be writing in this as often anymore...
i'm sick of school. i'm sick of dragging my feet around, watching the clock tick-tock to my next class, and wishing i was just home writing or playing music. i wish it would rain constantly because that's exactly how i feel. oh well, i guess some things are easier kept on the inside. and some things aren't. oh, fuck this being nice part. this week, these past months have just been a fucking dissapointment to me. other than chemistry, i've done nothing i'm proud of. nope. zero. the people i once were close to are now all drifting off onto the opposite sides of the world, and i'm still dazed wondering what in hell i'm supposed to be doing. it's like, being handed a new toy when you were a kid. the first couple weeks you had it, it was constant play, affection, and wariness. you got very cautious in giving your new toy to new people to play with. yet gradually, as the toy lost its fresh-out-of-the-package appeal, you stopped being so cautious. you started tossing it around. and then stepping on it, burning it, picking it up once in a while when you were bored or had nothing else to turn to. that's my heart. i really found myself at the beginning of the year. it was a fresh new start, and i was really happy. i was very protective with my heart, didn't let many people go in, and when i did i guess i ended up being careless and poured too much out. i guess that's why i was so happy previously - because i was in control, and nobody could do anything to fuck it up. these days, i'm picking up the shreds of my heart that are left dangling at that place called "school" and watching the broken pieces mock me in my own face. yes, we should all give as much as we can and expect nothing in return. sometimes you really give too much, and you lose yourself in everything. you care too much about what other people want, and you forget what you wanted, too. FSJDL:SFD.
broken pieces of my heart.
one of these days i just want to pack up my bags and leave. i want to douse my room in flames, flee from this hellish prison that keeps me in shackles. haha, exageration? wait until you feel how it is to be kept prisoner by your own brain.
yea, run away. run as fast as you can. | | |
| basically, i lost my "big" jacket at napa; the one that i always wear when it's really cold. it was big, black, poofy, and very comfortable. it was also pretty cheap, considering it's quality and durability. i spent an entire two weeks already mourning over the loss of it, but now the days are getting kinda chilly and i need something to wear. SO, help me decide on a new jacket.
FIRST CHOICE:
AE Classic Wool Toggle Coat
Made of distressed pigment-dyed wool to keep in the warmth, this coat has a great fit. The front snap and wooden toggle closure create a classic look, while the striped nylon lining adds vintage character. Stow your hat and gloves in the roomy side pockets when it's time to go inside. Removable fur trim at the hood.
Gap Wool Toggle Coat
• Soft wool blend with lining. Hits just below hip.
• Hidden zipper and toggle button closure, side pockets.
• 90% wool/10% nylon. Dry clean. Imported. | | |
| i haven't written something really meaningful in a long time, so i guess i will, even though i'm too lazy to capitalize the beginnings of my sentences. i will still use my good punctuation, though. =]
fifteen. marlin and i were talking about the last episode of "7th heaven" i watched today, where kevin proposes to lucy on valentine's day and with a the small pitter-patter of everyone's feet dancing, they all go home and have great makeout sessions. yes, even the kids. anyway, hwung and i are talking and i'm like, "wow, i wish my birthday was like that!" and he says, "you want to be married at 16?!" and then it hit me, that yes, i'm fifteen. and sixteen comes after fifteen. just one year's difference, but it feels like a big leap to womanhood. sweet sixteen in just a couple of months, and i feel barely introduced to the world. it sesms just yesterday when i was wearing huge teal sweatshirts with maroon pants, climbing onto the wheels of my daisy-patterned bicycle and romping around the neighborhood. it seems like just a week ago when i had my hair cut up to my ears and was busy debating our elementary school dramas. and yes, it seems like just a year ago when i permed my hair in efforts to look like the age i am today, and combed it all out realizing how ugly i looked with it.
sixteen is so close, and yet so far away. i don't think i'm mature or capable enough to accept the repsponsibilities of a girl that old, or real-life smart enough to not get lost in demanding situations. i'm still a blundering girl who's constantly looking for the crayons she's lost, or forgetting which shoe goes on which foot. i remember watching those movies where the sweet sixteen birthday girl gets an elaborate car, she cries, her boyfriend kisses her, her parents kiss her, and then they throw a big bashing party where everyone gets drunk. i'm so far away from that; i can barely imagine myself getting my permit and sitting myself behind the wheels, or having my first dash of illegal alcohol. i can't htink of myself blowing out the sixtenen candles that will mark my endurance of sixteen years on this harsh yet beautiful world.
i got my ears pierced yesterday. it all seems so random, but it fits together like a perfect puzzle. i used to bother my mom so badly about geting my ears pierced until she finally agreed to letting me get them on my 10th birthday, even though she herself feared of having to constantly walk around and step on the studs laying around the house. i could barely even keep all my hair accesories in one drawer in the bathroom. on my 10th birthday, my mom presented me with the seemingly sparkling prospect of getting holes punched in my ears, and i rejected it. i had learned that pain was involved. hmm, good one. years passed, and i wanted something new. yesterday, while sitting on that stool getting my ears poked out, i realized that it wasn't so long ago that i was so afraid of the pain that came with it. beauty for pain, pain for beauty. by the time i sat on the stool, i didn't need ice to numb it over. with each shot of the gun, each new stud in my ear, a hot blanket was thrown over my head, wakening me up to how old i finally was.
i still keep touching my ears, not believing that i got them pierced yesterday, i still keep looking in the glove compartment of our faithful honda civic, not believing that soon my own permit will join my brother's license all tucked away safely.
yea, i miss childhood.
do you?
<3 | | |
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